How to avoid divorce
and lead a sensational life
Is your relationship as electrifying as it was at the beginning? Do you want it to remain that way?
Finding the right partner to share ones life with can be a daunting task and should never be taken lightly. We may not always find Mr. or Miss perfect, but we can be thrilled to have that someone special to call our own and make it happen. Once we have found our true love our lives usually take a huge turn for the better and life becomes filled with bliss and hope and plans. The goal is to keep it that way.
Yes, I believe that this can all be ours, for the taking, and it can last a lifetime but sadly, without a bit of effort and educating our selves, it seldom does and for good reason.
The main problem seems to lie with our failing to remain thrilled after a period of time and the relationship starts to lose its luster and then finally its meaning. The 7 year itch is not just a myth, it is indeed brought upon by the very nature of man. Very often, most marriages are affected by the itch and many result in divorce.
Now for the good news, it doesn't have to be that way, read on and find out why.
Life is hard
There is an old saying that “Life is hard and even harder if your stupid” there is a lot of truth in that. However, we are all ignorant about different things until we decide to educate ourselves about what we don't know and here is the real culprit, anything of a sexual nature is at the very top of that list of taboo discussion, right along with and as hard to find as “Top secret government documents”.
Growing up is painful and plenty short on what we want and need to know about sex. Most of us get lopsided glimpses of it in the school yard from those who got it the same way. Parents very often fail at it because they are simply too embarrassed to bring it up and skip through it as fast as they can.
The common method for parents to deal with sex is to lock the girls in their room until they become of age and then introduce them to a boy who has promising aspects, encourage them to get married and then just let them go sort it all out on their own.
The problem with this method is that both are still naive about sex and only know what they got wrong in the school yard. What they lack is a basic knowledge about sex but worse by far is the fact that both of them are to embarrassed and afraid to open up a discussion about it. After all, we were never allowed to so much as even mention anything that might refer to sex in any form, that was taboo.
Life has created a barrier, or facade, that both, protects us all from society at large, and also prevents anyone from indulging in any meaningful and necessary conversations about a subject that is so important to their very own well being or as a couple.
The Facade
Life itself, is by nature a hazardous endeavor. Both our natural instincts and our life experiences prep us for avoiding danger and our demise. While newborn babies may require protection from life's hazards and nourishment from mothers warm breast milk, they soon start learning the skills they need for survival.
Once the child gains the skills to communicate with words, he or she will also find out that words often blurted in innocence can land them in trouble and by this time they also become aware that running around commando is frowned upon as well.
Now let's move on to the beginning of school and the peer pressure of the school yard. Here is really where people learn to build a barricades to ward off the relentless teasing and hazing as children can be the cruelest. The common thing for children to do is to join with the crowd because if they are just part of the crowd, they are not the subject of ridicule.
People can put a lot of effort into building their facades and try to make them sociably acceptable as well as unique to them as an individual. These facades are what we think we are and/or what we hope that society thinks we are.
Throughout history it has been common practice for men to spend an evening drinking with a potential business partner before engaging in business with him. The reason is simple, this gives both the opportunity to get a peek over the top of the facade to see what lies on the other side of it.
Facades are a necessity of life to protect one from the cruelties of society and yet can be detrimental to trusted business partners and even more damaging to life partners. The saddest part is that most people are not even aware that they have built such an impenetrable fortress.
These facades, or barricades if you will, can be real obstacles for people as often our own brain refuses to deal with natural reality and will force our conscious brain to change the subject. Even girls who masturbate several times a day shrink from thinking about the natural act or even admit that they even do it.
Our brains average about 5% awareness, that's where we do our thinking, and 95% of our brain activities are lie underneath our aware zone and is used to primarily to keep out motors running. Our gut feelings stem from the fact that 95% of our brains are looking out for you but under the aware zone. It also explains a lot about our sexual behavior because that is the part of the brain that controls our sex drives and thinking, if you will.
The evolution of sex and the natural man.
The evolution of sex as the evolution of man and only differs from the evolution of other animals in that man can overthink nearly everything in life.
Those who cling to the notion that man was created out of thin air and placed in the paradise of Eden will have trouble with the concepts of science and its findings. The bible is a great historical and valuable book as it recorded many strange observations that defied man's ability to grasp what was actually happening in many separate circumstances. Much can be gleaned from the bible if you read it with a practiced eye and drop the dogmatic aspect of religion.
The facts point out quite convincingly that man did indeed mostly evolve exactly the same as the rest of the animal kingdom. However there is evidence that a more advanced culture may have been involved with the process to advance us to a higher level.
From the splitting of cells in a prehistoric world that could thrive off of the primeval soup some billions of years ago to the human race that is capable of putting man on the moon, we evolved and we still have all of our natural and necessary instincts intact just like the rest of the animals on the planet that we share.
Every animal on earth from the most primitive to the most sophisticated all are endured with natural instincts that guaranty their survival. Animals seek water when thirsty, food when hungry, shelter during inclement weather, fight or flight during danger, sleep when tired and have a deep and powerful drive to reproduce. Without these drives the species simply dies off and those species that have the most powerful drives are the ones who survive the eons of time.
The man species, like their neighboring animals, have evolved these drives over millions or more years and it is the most fit that we now see in the animal world, including man. Although man has lost some of the physical aspects of evolution due to the rise of civilization, that period is extremely short compared to the time spent evolving over the ages. Man might not be as strong and agile as prehistoric humans but all of the drives are raging in full force.
The period of civilization as we now know it is extremely short in comparison but evolving societies and rise of religions have pursued to restrain many of the undesirable traits of man such as killing another to take what he has and other traits.
Before the advent of civilization, man had few if any restraints and survived by his abilities to hunt, gather, defend himself and procreate. Now some would have you believe that prehistoric man used a club to hunt down his victims for satisfying his lust but that would not explain why the female counterparts were not also endowed with the same sexual drives as man. It is civilization that has defined a certain expected culture of how man should behave and restrain their lust.
Civilization and religions have had a profound and negative effect on the human race because of the overreaction towards sex because it ignores the basic instincts of both men and women. We are what we are and no amount of legislation or decrees can change that. It is these rules and the indoctrination of our young that have ruined the minds of so many people. Understanding the drives of men and women would lead to a much better and happier life for all.
Perhaps the solution is not as difficult as imagined and simply will take what the success of relationships already need, trust and communication plus a little knowledge.
A little more about sexual drives
As we know human and animal survival depends partly on procreation of the species and that drive had to be powerful to work. The male animal in most species was programmed to impregnate as many females as possible and the female was programmed to allow enough males to mate with her ensure a pregnancy and to nurture the offspring to adulthood so it could survive. Humans were and are not monogamous animals by nature.
Both the male and the female evolved with abundant nerve ending in the genitals to receive pleasure from a sexual encounter. This was created by the process of evolution also to ensure procreation.
Several thousand years of civilization has proven that you can not legislate or dictate the sexual drives of any animal on earth. You can imprison those who disobey but you can not switch off their natural sex drives.
When a couple knows these principles and that the sexual drives are not governed by decree, it should become evident of what the problems of being a couple will be at some point. Again knowledge is the key and understanding is the solution. Communication is what makes it all work and that takes a lot of courage and a willingness to trust your partner with some deep seated issues.
Sex appeal
Scientific Magazine reported on a study where they created a female face that was the sum average of over a thousand faces and the face was rated as the most beautiful face ever seen.
The evolution of any species weeds out the weak and in the case of humans, the undesirable. Men had to be strong, agile and intelligent in order to survive and he had to be able to compete with other males to successfully breed. Women had to also be fit in order to survive and protect their young. Women also needed to have certain traits that allowed them to bear young and care for them. Hence the wide hips and pelvic to allow the passage of a fetus and the development of breasts large enough to feed their young.
This is why women admire a man with muscles and why men admire women with a hour glass figure.
Reproduction of the Species.
To ensure that the women bear enough young to maintain the species, they mated often enough to ensure pregnancy and until the advent of our modern civilization they mated with a multitude of males.
Likewise the males would mate with any female that were fit enough to bear offspring and raise it.
As one can see, humans, both male and female, are fighting their inner instincts and when the instinct becomes stronger than their childhood training they blame themselves or spouse of being weak and immoral. It is a wonder that we have managed to survive the contradictions of our childhood brainwashing, if you will, and our natural sexual instincts .
The human brain. Only 5% of the human brain is used in cognitive thinking the other 95% is used to keep us alive, such as breathing, our heart beating and a portion of that also keeps our instinctive drives in action. We are only aware of the 5% cognitive part and that part is our memory and thinking ability.
Often our decisions are made with our subconscious brain and that can be a good thing and spell the difference between surviving or being eaten by a carnivore. But it is also a very similar reason that men often will ignore everything that warns them of danger when encountering an attractive female. It can also manifest in a man turning into a bumbling idiot when trying to talk to an attractive female or just freezing up and letting an opportunity pass and fail to let an attractive female know that he is interested in her.
Cognitive reasoning often flies out the door and shuts down a man's ability to think clearly in encounters with the female.
Religion I guess that one would have to read the bible with a totally open and scientific mindset to find the origins or the reasons that it uses to try so hard to oppress the sexual desires of mankind.
Life is chocked full of mysteries and early man had much to ponder about. What we take for granted now seemed supernatural to early man and trying to come up with the myriad of explanations was daunting. Religion made it a bit less strenuous but still left many unanswered questions that we still deal with to this day.
Most religions over the eons of time had a god for everything from the wind, fire, the sun, the moon, the stars, and everything that man couldn't explain otherwise. It is only recently, in the scale of time, that anyone could challenge the gods and offer a more scientific approach to observing things withoud drawing the ire of the church. It was indeed dangerous to suggest that the earth was not the center of the universe, that the world was not flat or that tossing virgins in volcanoes didn't help the corn grow.
Many folks are quick to point out that religion prevents man from becoming a wild and vicious animal. Others are as quick to point out that wars over religion has killed more people than any other thing on earth. We now only have a few main religions left in the world but they are sadly at great odds with each other and an extreme danger to mankind.
These various religions have had a huge impact on what mankind considers “Normal” and some are very bizarre to say the least. I would suggest that religion has made anything sexual abnormal and is the root of many problems that people and society as well experience.
The good news is that many folks can distinguish between integrity and religion.
The bad news is that millions of bad laws have been thrust upon the people by those who solely used the bible, and not common sense, to create our laws. Lucky for us that many of these laws are ignored, most of the time.
Norm; What is normal or considered the “norm” can vary greatly from culture to culture. Our environment has played large a part of how people behave out of necessity and convenience. What is normal can change with a few generations as we have seen with the advent of communism around the world.
The one factor that inhibits change however is a strong belief in something that is handed down from generation to generation. The church has had an immense impact on what people consider normal and is a major driving factor in how people have behaved for centuries.
Survival played a huge part in dictating the norm and still does to this day. Early man first thrived in the tropics and some tribes, unaffected by modern man, still go largely naked in their daily activities. Those that migrated to cooler climes soon adopted to wearing skins and later textiles to stay warm.
The problem in a Nutshell and the solution to the age old problem is much simpler than one would expect although many will recoil in indignation at first with the thought.
#1 Man is hardwired to procreate with as many females as physically possible in order to ensure a steady and ensure the survival of the species.
#2 Females are also hard wired to both protect and raise their offspring and also to mate with as many males as it takes to get pregnant during their productive year to ensure the survival of the species.
#3 When these natural urges are blocked, it is only a matter of time when those natural urges overcome that resistance to stray and they will unconsciously, or at least against their will, seek a new sexual partner.
#4 No matter how many laws are written or how harsh the punishment, people will always find a way to satisfy their natural urges that they are hard wired to do. The people simply have extremely little control over the grand plan of nature.
#5 The vast majority of divorces and breakups stem directly from what society deems as cheating.
The Solution while simple can take a couple of different directions but one is based on total honesty and commitment.
(a) The government could rescind all marriages and take over the responsibility of raising the offspring of all of the unwed mothers. Under this plan, sex would simply be a free for all and anything is game. Not ever going to happen.
(b) Here we go, Each party in a relationship, yes it is possible to have more that 2, should have a good grounding in what makes people, especially the men tick. Only through knowledge can one come to both the understanding and acceptance of what it will take to make a relationship not only work but happily thrive.
The only sure way to keep a man, or a woman, for the long haul is to set them free but always be there for them.
Now ask yourself this; if your partner never had a reason to seek the arms of another lover because they already had that benifit, would they still cheat?
Like I said, there are different paths and scenarios that one can come up with but for the sake of an illustration her is one.
After John and Jill had the soul mate meeting where both had revealed their naked souls to each other. Jill called her partner John and said, “John don't be late from work tonight, I made something special for supper”. When John got home wondering what Jill had made for supper and why, he found not only Jill but also her friend Judy waiting for him and then she handed John a glass of wine. When John asked what she had made for supper, she said “John she is standing right in front of you, If you need, I'll make us a sandwich.
ED and aging. So I have been asked; what if a man becomes old enough that he can't sexually satisfy the woman in a relationship. For some relationships that is the death knell of the relationship and often ends in divorce.
In a typical monogamous relationship that is common problem and is usually the end of sexual activities. It is a debilitating problem and the health industry would rather sweep it under a rug than deal with it. A more enlightened couple will find innovating ways such as toys or cunnilingus to satisfy their partner. In a polygamous relationship, the couple can also enlist a third party to satisfy the cravings of a more natural copulation for the lady and can be a source of sexual stimulation for the male.
Toys are becoming more common, especially for single people but we still have them shipped in plain brown wrapping and keep them locked up out of site of company or other house members. Will the stigma ever go away? Sex toys these days come in all different shapes, sizes and colors and have a variety of different functions. Couples really need to share their catalogs and do their shopping as a team but also respecting the solo aspects of the devices.
Pegging is becoming more popular for good reason, it feels great. It and any other anal play however has been regarded seemingly forever as taboo and even is considered illegal in some parts of the world. However the anal regions are loaded with nerve endings and anal stimulation has caught the eye of some health experts as a beneficial way of dealing with certain problems, such as shrinking an enlarged prostate. Some even claim that it helps to clear the passages within the penis to help prevent ED.
Poly-amorous relationships and swinging have been around for a long time and may be very well worth considering for our soulmates who have bared their souls to the core for their partners. Remember the goal here is to bring variety into the relationship in order to remove those pesky urges to stray without the partners permission.
How can couples use the knowledge of their natural instincts to make a better and happier life.?
Women often ask why men can't be more honest and be up front with who they really are and what they really want from them. The truth is, we all, everyone of us, have a facade that we use and project to the world as a line of defense. In a world that demands that people behave and think in a certain way that runs counter to our primeval instincts, we simply hide our basic instincts, from public view, and hope that we are never discovered for who we really are.
It takes a lot of courage and a certain amount of trust to bare ones soul and real self to another human being that could use it to destroy them. The fact that it can be difficult to find a partner that you are comfortable with in the first place can deter a person from taking the chance of losing someone after winning them over.
That said however, the rewards of finding such a person that will understand and reciprocate could lead to a bond much stronger bond and a more understanding relationship. The limits could be boundless.
Betty White, Why do we say it takes balls when they are so fragile and week, and the vagina is so tough and will take a beating.
Mae West, Why make one man miserable, when you can make so many men happy.
If you seen one naked girl, you want to see them all.
Girls are like finger prints, there are no two alike.
The Inner Struggle. So with 95% of the brain running the majority of what our bodies do and only 5% of our brain being aware of its surroundings, is it no wonder that we have our inner struggles? What is amazing is the fact that the vast majority of us manage to control our impulses as well as we do.
Try to imagine a world free of constraints, and you will see that it is no different than observing the animal world. Imagine what man, with his expanded brain, could accomplish if we could shed the shackles and be free to think, explore, invent and create. Yes some few do well in this area but most are too busy dealing with their inner struggles in order to free up that 5% of the brain that is in constant conflict with the other 95%.
Child Raising and Brainwashing. Oddly enough brain washing is much like that of early child raising in that repetition of the same message will eventually embed itself into the subconscious and become another driving force for the brain to deal with in spite of the conflict of messages.
Yes it is good practice to teach the young good hygiene and bathroom habits, however many societies go much further, in hopes of protecting the young against early pregnancies, and use fear tactics to try and keep their young celibate.
Try to imagine just how much energy the brain has to use to deal with such a conflict when the natural instincts and hormones take over. Is it no wonder that today's young are so angry and troubled?
Conservatism versus Liberalism;
I grew up in a very conservative Montana by a conservative family. However I always considered myself to be somewhat liberal, a bit of an environmental chap and yet very conservative. In my opinion one has to be conservative in order to be an environmentalist. My family were also quit religious but for some reason, I grew up mostly skeptical.
After my stint in the military and some college, I started reading various things including nearly every issue of playboy magazine because of the great articles and gained a further insight into the murkiness of religion and what I still believe to be a much healthier outlook on the subject of sex.
One of the things that I noticed during the 60s was how the church had such a stranglehold on our lives and created a multitude of obnoxious laws governing the bedroom behavior of the citizens whether they went to church or not. This awakening gave rise to the new sexual revolution by those seeking a true liberty from oppression. These new revolutionaries were called “Liberals”.
For a couple of decades it looked as though the Liberals were winning and many of the oppressive laws were relaxed, although somewhat reluctantly. Things were looking up and America was swinging back towards freedom again such as the freedom of speech as well as freedom to have sex.
This ground swell however did not go unnoticed by some political factions and because these “Shadow Operators” were very well financed and already entrenched in government, it was easy for them to sway the colleges and universities to harness the power of all of these freedom loving liberals.
Thus began the indoctrination of those who were seeking an education to better themselves but fell victim to those hell bent on “Fundamentally Changing America”. So yes, I still consider myself to be both Liberal and Conservative but definitely not ((WOKE)). Awakened yes, eyes wide open yes but not having any of the “Socialism” nonsense.
One of the methods used to corrupt the universities was the “Government guaranteed college loans”. The taxpayers were duped into paying for the indoctrination of their own children. No longer did the Liberals stand for sexual freedom, now they were taught to hate their country and that they were depressed because of the color of their skin. All this to try to remain in power by enlisting new voters.
How to be happy in a world full of sexual oppression.
Relationships often fail even for the most determined. The reason is simple, humans are hard wired in the same way that all living creatures on earth are.
Nature has created all critters, including man & woman, with built in instincts to ensure their very survival. Any animal on earth that manages to get born or hatched without these instincts do not survive or pass on their genetics.
Understanding these basic instincts is paramount to the very survival of any relationship and is well worth the time spent.
Not only will any relationship benefit from the knowledge of the nature of basic primitive mankind, it can also reap huge rewards in the form of unparalleled additional pleasure and piece of mind.
To obtain an unheard of level of gratifying relationship takes several steps.
1 Get informed or educated so that both parties fully understand the forces at work.
2 Both parties need to do some soul searching and discover the real you and all the things that you thought that you buried. You need to think about all of those things that you were never allowed talk or think about and list them along with all your fantasies.
3 You need to have a real discussion with your mate and both bare all of the taboo things and all of your fantasies. No secrets.
At this point, both partners should have all the tools required to make a great relationship work.
The difference between lust and love.
Love is an emotion that we experience about things and the term is widely misused in a wide variety of different contexts. For instance; love of God, love your spouse, love your parents, love your dog and love your car just to mention a few. Obviously you are not going to love your spouse the same way as you love your car.
Lust on the other hand is an instinct driven expectation of gratuitous sensations that demand to be physically experienced first hand. Here again, you are not going to lust over a car as you would a scantily clad curvy and pretty lady.
Lust is what drives us to succeed and excel at attracting a mate and at this point your logical brain is taking a holiday. At this point, you don't care how much GE stock her or his daddy has. She might but he isn't.
Human beings are not monogamous by nature. If only women really know just how hard most men work at being faithful, they would be thoroughly impressed.
The real obstacles are the values that we are taught as infants. We are told over and over how lust is wrong and sinful, sex is dirty and sinful, nakedness is to be avoided at all costs and you can be jailed for it, and of course just about everything not approved by the deacon is an act that will guaranty an eternity of suffering in the fires of hell.
Free thinking people, who are allowed to think and ask questions are a threat to those in charge. Therefore governments want to control what you learn as an infant and until just lately, religion was the approved method of control. A thinking man is going to have a great many questions and questions lead to more questions and eventually rebellion.
The Good Girl, Bad Girl Syndrome
One of the biggest struggles for a young girl, is to be the “Good Girl” that society imposes on them. It's the time honored tradition of keeping the young safe and without child until they are considered responsible adults. The fear of being thought of by others as a soiled dove, fallen angel or loose trollop is something that affects women their entire life and is a powerful force and obstruction to their ability to enjoy life to the fullest. Young girls are trained to believe that there can be only one man in their life until “Death til you part”. Young girls are also brought up to believe that a night in shining armor will come to carry them away into the sunset for a life long world of bliss.
Good Men and Bad Boys
Men are generally brought up to respect women, what are mother for, right? Men with strong fathers are brought up to be self reliant, courteous, respectful, protective and hard working. Most boys want to grow up to be like dad, get married, have children and be successful in life. It is how the family unit works.
It all goes well until mother nature sets in and the drive is on to find a mate and all would end well if that was the end of the story, but mother nature has a much different plan. Man is not satisfied with having a single mate, after the newness wears off, his instincts sets in and drives him to seek other mates no matter how well off he is with the one that he first chose to spend his life with.
All men struggle with this instinct, sooner or later, and will blame it on the devil, the alcohol or just being a bad boy at heart. Actually women would be thoroughly impressed if they only knew just how hard most men work at being faithful.
Alcohol
Alcohol has been blamed for many things, including infidelity. (“He was such a good boy” or she was such a good girl” until the alcohol took over their minds and bodies.) This is a common statement heard throughout history, but is not an accurate statement at all. True, too much consumption of alcohol can lead to alcoholism and even ones ruin or death, but it does not make people do things that they do not wish to do in the first place.
As we've seen above, all people, out of self preservation, put up false barriers or facades if you will. These devises protect us from prying individuals that would use such information for their gain and your perceived or real destruction in some cases. Alcohol has the effect of relaxing ones inhibitions.
It has been a common practice, in the past, among gentlemen and people of business to first get acquainted with a potential business partner over a bottle of whiskey. This gave both parties a peak at the true character of the person before entering a business agreement. The alcohol relaxes the in place barriers and allows the prospective partners to pear over it. This would also be a good plan for life partners to follow as well and will go into it deeper further on.
Our instincts are what drives us but they are hidden from us in that we don't know why we often do what we do. Alcohol gives us the freedom to pursue what drives us because it lowers our inhibitions.
Knowing what we are fighting is half the battle and often we are just fighting with ourselves.
Nudist resorts. At the tender age of two, my mother would send me outdoors to play in the sandbox with my toys. I was told that I would shed all my clothes while playing in the sand. Some of us, if not all, were natural born nudists. Why not, we were all born nude.
Polygamy as a natural way of life.
So women are turned off by men asking for a pic.
I find that interesting because man is by nature visually inspired and is hardwired to get aroused by what he sees. He was just built that way and has no real control over it. Society has been trying to reform man for thousands of years but the natural instincts were developed over millions of years. Now considering that the 5% of our brains that we can control are overwhelmed by the 95% of the brain that we don't have any control over, and you might have the proper perspective of what makes a man tick. And by the way, man is not, I repeat not, monogamous by nature. Women have two choices; continue to complain about how (men are all alike) or rethink the situation over and take advantage of it.
Why is society so judgmental
It's because people fear what they don't understand and sex is the most misunderstood thing on earth. It is so sad that most people cheat themselves out of a good life trying to conform to the ""NORM"" that is so out of sync with nature. Man is not by nature monogamous and society has been brainwashed into thinking man should be. Dare to think for your self and be true to your self. Seek those who do as well and enjoy the fuck out of life.
Wife swapping and orgies.
Pornography is just a word. What does it mean and does it mean the same to everyone?
Camming I stumbled upon a book about camming that was written by Valerie V. I found it not only a fun read but also insightful and enlightening. This particular cammer
Prostitution may be the most honorable profession on earth.
Early Civilizations
Modern Civilizations
Diversity of Civilizations
Health and sex, Hawaii and the introduction of disease.
How to deal with the “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”.
Can couples learn to cope with their natural instincts and live a happy monogamous life?
How to approach a potential mate that you want to share your knowledge of the natural man?
The opening (What am I selling?)
How to sell this to both men and women who have different view points.
Unique Selling Proposition
Enlightened, Partners, mates,
Finding and then keeping the right partner
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